he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
