well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
