this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
