This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
