I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
