Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
