I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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