If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im six kinds of drunk right now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
