Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
