'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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