But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
jump out the window naked night went bad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
