Umm I'm too high to move.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
