he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
