So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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