I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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