Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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