I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
