Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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