Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love you. Go after that dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
