If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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