He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
