I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
