Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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