i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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