just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
