But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
