4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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