New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
