Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
