i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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