Welp...herpes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
