Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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