her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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