she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
