I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
