in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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