I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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