You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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