The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
