This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
