Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

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(248): View more from Michigan

i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

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(310): View more from California

Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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(407): View more from Florida

He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Everything smells like blood and olive oil.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.

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