whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
