Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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