I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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