Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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