I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
