Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
