Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
