I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
