There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
